It's just a SMILE :-)

I wonder what life would be like if no one ever smiled.
There’s a strange divine power in a smile that changes perception, moods and situations. Why do we smile? Or rather why do we frown? (I’m one to talk, coz my art director once asked me “Zakk how come you never smile?” lol). I remember reading somewhere that it takes about 43 muscles to frown but only 17 muscles to smile. So, why frown, when it’s so much easier to smile? Are we as humans sad by default? The statistics go somewhat like this, on an average more people frown, than smile and in between the two, we have the expressionless look. Which means that we somehow, we subliminally choose and give an effort to not smile.

Well a lot of you would be asking why blog about a smile? And to be honest I never really gave it much of a thought until recently, when I met someone who had the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen.

I had had a very bad day at work, deadline missed on a project, and ten thousand other things, plus the feeling of helplessness. I was so mad I could have stabbed Bambi that day and had the Smurfs for dinner. All I wanted to do was go home, plug-in my guitar, put on some Pantera, have some beer (read Jamie) go crazy and watch this new Van Damme flick I had downloaded - "Dragon Eyes". (Sound’s good doesn’t it?)

Anyhow on my way home, I remembered I had to meet this girl I had known for a while but never actually met. I didn’t really wanna go, coz I was in such a bad mood, but hell I had nothing to lose, already felt like shit and nothing could actually make me feel worse. So I went drove an extra 20 kilometers to meet her.

Boy oh boy, how my plans flipped when I met her. Lol. The plan was I’d fake a smile, chit chat a lil bit and be on my way home to enjoy my awesome de-stressing plan.

Most of you would be quick to judge and say “he’s in love again”, but NO, it’s far from that. I’ve been down that road before, and it’s over now. Don Juan has left the building! She’s a good friend who happens to have the most charming, beautiful and innocently naughty smile. I was mesmerized with her smile; it somehow made me happy and forget that I had a really bad day. I ended up having a great time with her, went home put on some Nora Jones and ended up watching Bambi. (No I didn't)

Now what I realized and started to think about is this. Both happiness and sadness are very contagious, and it’s very important for us to choose which one we choose to project. We should always remember that we directly affect other people’s moods with ours. And just because we have had a bad day, doesn’t mean we spoil others too, when a smile is all it takes to change things. 

Now I have learned how valuable or powerful a simple smile is. I’ve started to smile and forced myself

to smile a little more than usual and have seen some really refreshing changes in me as well. Why just

a few days back a colleague said "Zakk you have a beautiful smile"J. It made my day! Smiled all day long!

I’ve been an angry kid for a long time now, and it hasn’t brought me an ounce of happiness or satisfaction. So maybe this time, I’ll try to get by with a lil help from a smile and see how it goes. J

The Long and Winding Road to Victory - Chelsea FC.

I had written a really nice piece on why I love Chelsea Fc. But I somehow managed to have deleted it. Winning the Champions league has been epic for us and me, it goes to show that we are now finally among the top clubs in Europe and a club not to be taken lightly (ask Barcelona fans and Bayern).

The finals against Bayern was an experience I’ll never forget, especially after the ooohhh so painful loss against Man United in 2008 (I remember shouting at my girlfriend and not talking to her for a few days after she made fun of the loss). I have a very clear rule when it comes to being my girlfriend I just have 3 rules… 1. Don’t cheat on me 2. Love Chelsea Fc. 3. Hate Manchester United now if you can follow these 3 simple rules I’m yours forever faithfully.

Anyway since I had fallen asleep on the 2nd leg of the Semi Finals against Barcelona (I was tired and a lil tipsy) So, I made sure I wasn’t gonna accidentally fall asleep again.  Charles and Himanshu had come over for the match, Kima (the famous Kima De Mizohician, a hardcore Arsenal fan which is really, really, really very sad. Why Arsenal Kima, Why?) was suppose to come over for dinner and drinks, but somehow we never got a chance to meet up while he was here in Delhi (next time for sure buddy). The first half was as I had imagined a lil slow, we defended and defended and defended and defended till halftime, 0-0 phew.

Charles

Now Charles and Himanshu after a bottle down had an epiphany, and about 1:30 realized that they HAD to go to Naukuchiatal (approx 350 kilometers from Delhi) for Escape (the music festival) and packed up in no less than 5 mins and left. There I was all alone, wearing my Chelsea Jersey a bottle of alcohol and mad as hell. Nevertheless The show must go on!

Second half was more interesting, more drama, and then… the unimaginable happened - Mueller scores and my heart fell. My phone started ringing, text from friends had to switch off my phone!

Redemption! We’re saved! Drogba scores! I screamed with Joygasm, “we have been redeemed, oh what a wonderful feeling”. Changed my shorts* (*had nothing to do with Joygasm I choked on my drink and spilled it on my shorts).

Penalty shoot-out: I can visually look back and see how stupid I must have looked, fist clenched; knees half bent (I must have looked liked a constipated man trying to take a crap).

And then Schweinsteiger misses Yesssssssss…..! Stomped my foot like a sumo wrestler.

Moment of truth Drogba steps up, looks normal, Neuer looks confident....I cant look, I turn around praying... Bam! He scores!!!

Screaming, no one to hug Dammit! Ran around my house screaming, woke up my cook, maid and driver (they must have thought I had gone mad). Came back to the living room, called up fellow Chelsea fans. a moment of silence...as tears rolled down my eyes.

Made a huge peg gulped it down, lit up a ciggie (like after a good performance, that serene moment of deep satisfaction)... 

...and thought “So this is what it feels like to never give up, all those years of frustration, being mocked, almost being there…”. I was the Happiest, loneliest person alive on earth that night. 

Some people like a club, some support club, some adore it, some just support a club for the sake of it,
I for one bleed blue, eat blue, drink blue, dream blue. I passionately love my club, My Chelsea FC. UEFA Champions League Winners 2012.

..................................................................................................................................................................
Now with the Euros starting today I am yet once again in a perplexed situation, as my team England have serious injury issues. But like Chelsea they must not lose hope as even the legendary England international Gareth Southgate said "England must emulate Chelsea's Champions League heroics" Southgate believes England must emulate Chelsea's

At the risk of sounding arrogant and overconfident I will make a statement - England European Champions 2012! 

                                                           Yes I said it!

Breaking up, Broken heart – The Review

It is said that the most traumatic thing that can happen to a person is the death of a spouse and the next most traumatic is divorce and breakup. Recovering from a broken heart, is one of the most gruellingly long and painful process. Having recently gone through a rough one myself, I thought I should do a review on it. The recovery is a very long and layered process, and comes in stages and believe me there’s no easiest way of dealing with it. Suddenly all the love songs you used to detest seem to have a deeper meaning to them. Everybody would have their own way of dealing with it and I guess our methods and strategies would all differ, and I can’t advice anyone with ‘doing this or that would make it easier’, but I think understanding the stages of it would help in understanding what the hell is going on and what you can expect.

Now before going on to the various stages let us understand what exactly a broken heart is. Broken heart is when someone you gave your heart and soul to, decides to give it back to you when you least expect it (sometimes there are signs). Now you’d think that getting your heart back would not be too bad, except once you get it, you have absolutely no idea what to do with it. You haven’t had it with you for so long, it feels like it doesn’t belong to you anymore, doesn’t fit inside your chest. Now I could go on for pages on how bad it feels but what’s the point…unless you’ve experienced it, you wouldn’t understand. (Read her, she as they, them, their)

Stage 1 - WTF Just Happened?

You’re taken by surprise, you’re angry, confused mostly angry. So you go on a rampage of “I’ll show her I can live without her” drinking, flirting crazy shit spree. That’s when all your friends tell you to go out clubbing, party and enjoy life, there are many more fishes in the sea. You do exactly that, and it’s not too bad coz you won’t remember much of what you did at this stage anyway. (Just make sure you have deleted her/his number from your mobile or give your phone to your friends when you're drunk. Don’t ask why, trust me on this one).

Stage 2 – It’s all my fault!

At this stage you’re probably not drinking or partying as much, and have become a recluse (if you’re still drinking you’re an alcoholic with a very good excuse). You start analyzing what went wrong, you try to be reasonable but you still see everything as your fault. And you start telling yourself things that don’t make sense, ‘maybe she cheated on me coz I was an asshole’ and you instantly forgive them. NO NO NO, don’t do that, be reasonable, you could have had a major role to play in the whole incident but it’s never a 1 sided affair, both are to be blamed. She/He cheated on you coz she wanted to, she broke up with you coz she don’t love you no more, maybe she never did, so be reasonable with yourself, you’re better than you give yourself credit for. Nobody breaks up with you coz they love you, and feel that you’d be better off without them, WISE UP Buddy!

Stage 3 – The audacity of hope

Like the wise man once said “hope is the worst of all evil for it prolongs the torment of man”. By now you’re probably in a better place, a half recluse (if that makes sense), and you’re probably keeping in touch, she’d probably call you every once in a while saying how you are the only one who she trusts and understands her. Now this is the tricky part, don’t fall for it, she can’t have the best of both worlds, the pleasure of dumping and the pleasure of your sound advice and a reliable shoulder to cry on and dump her problems. This is when you start to tell yourself “bloody shit I’m making progress, maybe she’ll come back”, nope not happening. Once shit falls off there’s no way it’s gonna come back crawling to where it fell lol. But that’s the audacity of hope, you still make yourself believe it could happen.

Stage 4 – I’m a moron, so I’ll wait for her to come back

This is the stage most people deny going through, coz it’s embarrassing, but trust me they all do (so we won’t get into details). But don’t worry, if you’ve reached this stage you’re half way through the game.

Stage 5 – the rebound girl/boy J

This in not necessarily a stage 5 gig, some people hit this stage directly after “what the fuck just happened?” it differs from person to person. But there’s always a rebound girl/boy. This stage is significant because it shows 1 of 2 things, you’re desperately trying to move on, or you’re still trying to get her back by making her/him jealous (If it’s the latter, I feel bad for you kid). Just be careful when you hit this stage, coz it can get really nasty, hurting people who don’t deserve it, a lot of he said, she said and you could end up in deep shit. Just make sure your rebound partner knows you’re not ready for the real deal.

Stage 6 – Mental/Emotional Menopause

This is probably the last stage of the whole cycle but this is further sub-divided into 2 stages. The first is the Auditing of the relationship with a sound mind. This auditing of the relationship could happen involuntarily as well, because for the longest time you have been functioning on automatic mode with an erratic behavior only comparable to a woman going through menopause. Your body knows exactly what to do but your mind is somewhere else. Imaging you’re sitting in your office doing you regular work, but your mind is constantly thinking of what could have been, what you used to do together, all the fights, all the making love everything and after many many many days of running on automatic mode, you have an epiphany – What the fuck was I doing with him/her for so long? Wasting time, money and emotions on the lies she/he fed you. So now you start to kinda hate the person, while still appreciating them for the good times and you realize it’s not worth wasting your time on depressing yourself. (It’s actually a very liberating feeling once you reach this stage, coz you don’t obsesses about what the other person is doing, you start to think less and less of the person till you stop entirely)

Second stage of the last stage is actually quite beautiful. Coz by now almost all the hate is gone (note I said almost), every once in a while, they cross your mind, sometimes taking us back on a nostalgic journey, sometimes a short flashback followed by a smile and it’s all over.

The Verdict 

One thing you should always remember is (if you’re going through all of these or have gone through it), that there was a moment in time when the person meant the world to you, and chances are you probably planned and shaped your lives and future together. So, it’s very unlikely that you will ever forget them. Sometimes major breakups seem to only hit us when we least expect it or when we’re at our worst times, but they also have a way of shaping us and make us stronger. You will never be the same person you were so there’s no point in endlessly looking for life changing experiences to turn you back to what you were before you met.

Time has a way of healing everything, sometimes time moves too slowly but eventually all wounds heal. Try to stay away from haters, and learn to accept your faults as well as your partners. Don’t look at friends to reconfirm how wrong or right you were, learn to deal with it yourself. REMEMBER Half your friends and family will sympathize with you, while some will make fun of your predicament, so choose very carefully with whom you let your emotions out.

You could lose your sanity for the longest time but that’s not all bad coz you end up finding yourself in your darkest hours. 

The Hopeful Wish List of a 30 Year Old Boy.

I’m writing this at the risk of sounding cheap, but aren’t we all cheap in one way or another lol. Well the thing is I’m severely running short of funds this month (actually always lol) and there are so many things I want to buy so I thought, that ummmm….I should make a wish list. Knowing that there so many millionaires, billionaires and genuinely selfless giving people out there in the world, (and not to forget kind awesome friends and family) I’m hoping that they would stumble on my list and ;-) …gift me a few.

It’s no secret that I have a very serious fetish for shoes (sneakers) and perfumes, and I probably own more shoes and perfumes than a normal man should, but in my defense…well I don’t even have a genuine defense I just want more lol. Some people collect watches, some caps, some collect coins, some stamps, some underwear, I collect shoes and perfumes (as much as I can afford to collect). Now getting back to my wish list, these are a few things I’d like to have in the next 2 months, so thanks in advance and looking forward to your generous contribution to my wish list. J

Perfumes

1.        Narciso Rodriguez : For Him

This perfume is a musk have for men, dark, musky, seductive and strong but very attractive. It doesn’t overdo anything and I call it pure masculinity. It’s sophisticatedly very raw, intricate but yet simple. If I had to make an ad for this it would be like most AXE ads. Women will literally stop whatever they’re doing and follow you. They will literally tear off their clothes just to be with you (Trust me on this one, I’ve experienced it first hand). Wear this to a party and I guarantee you will not go home alone! Considering that fact that I'm single I absolutely need this.

2.       Dolce & Gabbana : The One

This is for my Church, lunch, brunch etc. date use. Absolutely fabulous, light and very attractive. Pure sophistication! I’ve seen women’s eyes melt at a whiff of this. It’s not for teenagers and early 20’s (these can choose Paco Rabanne One Million or 212 VIP) D&G The One is for people like me late 20’s, early 30’s and has that ‘I have arrived’ smell, and considering I just turned 30 I absolutely need this. It’s got a playful not too serious aroma that also hints that I can be serious if you’re worth it, which is kinda where I’m at right now.

{A notable mention: Perfumes must haves for men Aigner Black: I’ve literally been stopped and asked the name of the perfume I was wearing. Most complimented by women and men alike. Not very expensive and but pure class. For everyday use, but doesn’t last too long, roughly 6 hours.}

Shoes

Ahhh where do I begin and where do I end…if I were a millionaire my house and furniture’s and everything would be built of shoes. And frankly can you ever have enough shoes? Except smart shoes…who needs more than 1 of those communist fashion wear. I have one smart shoe and I wear it every day to work, and screw you Christina (babe) and Pooja they don’t look like grandfather shoes. Anyway here is my wish list for shoes.

Vans Wylle: I was born to wear this :-)

Etnies Barci: http://www.skatewarehouse.com/Etnies_Barci_GreyWhiteGreen_9/descpage-ETBAGW.html

Supra Muska Skytop III: http://www.skatewarehouse.com/Muska_Skytop_III_Black_Nubuck_9/descpage-SUS3BK.html

There are more on the list of shoes, but as of now these 3 would do. besides I don't want to be too greedy.

Single Malt

I've had my share of fine malts, but this bottle I've chosen is one I'd kill to have a taste off. Disclaimer: Dont go by the name, It doesn't grow an inch where you might be expecting. Its called Inchgrower, very rare, the reason why this is so sought after is because only a small percentage is sold as single malt the rest are used for blended scotch. Very hard to find, but undoubtedly one of the best malts available. 

But in case you don't find this you can still get me a bottle of Laphroaig 18 years. and for all you cheap bastard who cant afford Laphroaig you can get me Jamie (read Jameson Irish Whiskey).

Inchgower

And of course I wish for world peace, and that american beauty pageants and Congress get smarter, and I wish global warming would stop, and that tigers and lions would stop hunting and eating those poor innocent deers and last but not least I wish pigs could fly. (just make sure you don't mix up these wishes with the ones above)

So thank you in advance to all you good Samaritans out there who are about to make the wishes of a poor 30 year old man oops correction BOY come true. Well damnit if you're not donating anything, maybe you can write to my boss and convince her to give me a VERY significant increment lol J Drop in a mail and I'll send you her number and email. 

Anyway for all you cheap bastards who are not going to even do that...at least do your part and wish for world peace, recycle and save the environment. 

Have a great day! 

Eva

A few days back I was watching the Chelsea FC Vs Man City match (which we lost 1-2) and during the halftime break I saw the Vodafone ad about the 2 kids falling in love for what seemed to be their first time. It wasn’t the first time I saw it, but it just never really hit me the way it did that day (I must say Ogilvy have always done an amazing job on Vodafone ads). (heres the link for those of you that haven't seen it, really cute ad)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5kdLAmaS2eA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=js53dqbRKI8

After watching it I started to look back at my junior high school days, and I remembered the first time I fell in love with a girl. Her name was Eva (to this day I still think she’s the most beautiful girl in the world, and I’d like for it to stay that way) we were classmates since KG 2 at Brook Side School, Shillong and I fell in love with her from the first day I saw her. I really didn’t understand the feeling then coz I was probably too young to know what I felt. But she was the reason I never skipped school.

Now the thing I remember about loving someone at that age was, how pure and wonderful it felt. We didn’t even have to talk, just a smile was enough to send me to cloud 9, make my knees weak, and every time she smiled back at me I felt like Superman, I was invincible and a ridiculous smile would linger on my face for hours. We hardly ever spoke, all we ever did was smile at each other all the time and that was it, but it was better than nothing and I think that was a good thing.

Going home after school was probably the saddest part of the day, knowing that the rest of the day was going to have to be spent just thinking about her, but there were times, I’d sneak out after doing my home work and walk past her house 10-15 times, just to get a glimpse of her. Come to think of it most of the time I never saw her, but just the thought that I just might see her was enough to fuel my long brisk walks.  

Then one fine day when we were I think in class 4, my class teacher Mrs. Florence spoiled it all, while re arranging seats she made me sit with next to her. Now I don’t remember exactly how I felt sitting next to her all I remember was that suddenly I didn’t speak very much, I was always very nervous, shy and I don’t think I impressed her much. And later that year she was elected class captain, and that’s when I started to hate her a lil bit, coz she was always shouting at people, “don’t make noise, keep quiet”. She would secretly write names of people talking between classes and give it to teachers and I myself got my ass whooped quite a few times. (but I always forgave her, come on... it was her job… what are you gonna do? And on top of that she always helped me out when we had exams, she’d secretly whisper answers to me)

And then the unimaginable happened, I think it was 6^th Std. she left our school, I was the saddest person on the planet. After that I never really saw her much, coz I left school too and came to Delhi but she was always on my mind. One fine day in June, summer vacation, I was walking back home and a familiar voice from behind called me, and even after 5 years I knew it was her  J (well no one calls me Zirsang except her, no one before her and none since) we spoke for a brief moment and she invited me to a bible study camp lol. I surely did not go (hmmm…. Maybe I should have), she gave me her number but I never called. I’m such an ass I should have called. Sometimes we make all the wrong moves at the wrong time on the wrong person.

But that wasn’t the last time I saw her, the last time I saw her was 2001, I was out to buy a mobile phone and as I opened the door I kinda knocked her a bit, and she turned towards me with an annoyed ‘ufffff….. be caref….oh my God Zirsang!’ I had the biggest smile, but it didn’t last very long coz she was with another dude, I was so jealous. (grrrr…….) so I didn’t want to talk much, bought my phone and walked out and I never saw her again.

Been endlessly googling her name, looked her up on facebook, myspace, Hi5, orkut, friendster, flicker but never found her. It’s like she never existed, been asking my old classmates but no one seems to know where she is or how she is. 

I think there's definitely something about the first person you fall in love with, which no one else will ever replace. I’ve never felt the same way I did about her with anyone ever again. It’s not to say I haven’t been in love ever again, I have and they were all good, but with her it was different, and as I write this, I can’t help but smile, coz I can almost feel what it felt like as I recall the days spent with her.

Looking Back

I turned 30 yesterday, and for the first time I didn’t celebrate it and chose to spend the day pondering on what my life has been all about. It was strange because as the clock struck 12 the previous night, an overwhelming sense of emptiness engulfed me. I think it was me realizing that half my life was over with that tick of a hand that submerged me in a sea of nothingness. Questions popped up like sulfuric bubbles from a deep sea volcano, poisoning the air around me as I slipped into a temporary state of depression.

Who am I? Who am I meant to be? What have I done? What have I achieved? How many people have I hurt? Why did she leave? Am I happy with the way I’ve lived my life? Why did i leave her? What makes me happy? Am I drinking too much? Am I drinking enough? Why do I miss him so much? Why do I miss her so much? Will she ever get out of my head? Why do they hate me? Why do they like me? Why am I the only one alive? Why did she leave?Will I go to heaven? Will I go to hell? Will I meet them there? Why did he leave? Will he ever get better? Does God hate me? When will it end? Is he proud of me? Will I ever find what I’m looking for? Am I working hard enough? Is this the right job? Am I going to die? Will I live forever? Why did I leave her? Why do I lie so much? Why do they lie so much? Why didn't he call? Why didn’t she call? Why didn’t I call? Is he proud of me? Can you hear me? Am I a good person? Why did she leave? Why did I leave her? Am I smoking too much? Does she really love me? Did i really love her? Am I eating too much? Why am I writing this? Am I thinking too much? Why am I wearing my sunglasses in the pot?

2 days later...

As the smell of sulfur dissipates with time, the thought of a desolate 30 years begins to fill itself with life I had chosen not to appreciate and celebrate. I realize that the answers to my questions will only lead to more questions. Age as it may be is only but a number, life is an experience, however short or long, I must learn to embrace it. So however hard and long it might have taken, I now have a deeper understanding of what growing up means, and the need to loosen up the noose to free myself from the past that weighs me down. Life is hard and never the way it’s meant to be, sometimes it’s good and sometimes it’s bad. Sometimes we end up hurting the people we love the most, and sometimes we’re broken by the people we thought loved us the most. Sometimes we find friends in the people we hate. Sometimes we find answers in the questions we ask. Sometimes we find hope when all hope is lost. Sometimes we find ourselves in our darkest hours. Sometimes we find strength in our weakness. Sometimes we need these moments of anger, desolation and emptiness to help us learn to smile again. :-)

I Cheated...My Confession!

I first saw her at my cousin Zorams place about 5 years ago and I must say it was love at first sight. My cousin introduced us, Zakk meet “Jamie, shes from Ireland", I stood there like a fool, speechless, she had me at hello! I sat down a little shy and watched her and her friends sitting on the table (they all looked gorgeous, wearing nothing but skimpy labels, covering just enough to drive you crazy).

I thought to myself 'I must look like a fool to them, sitting here all nervous and shy, I've got to do something', so I stood up went to the table and held her in my hands, looked at her and said you're the one for me and made a large peg, on the rocks! Yes I'm talking about Jameson Irish whiskey we call her Jamie :-). From that day on I knew that I would never love another for as long as I lived. We spent the whole evening together, laughing and flirting and then I took her home, she tasted like nothing I've ever had before, she was sexy, smooth and simple but yet so complicated. I was in love...until I cheated on her yesterday.

The thing about men and relationships is that when given the chance under the right circumstances we would cheat, and jump on the opportunity like a frog in distress. Yes I said it, sue me! I love Jamie, no doubt about it, but when you've been with someone for so long, you tend to take them for granted, and with the Rs. 1600 I spend on her every week, plus the never ending Student Loan, car loan, credit card payment, there was a recession in my wallet. Plus when you have friends that keep saying “have you tried her?, shes cheap, but she tastes divine” it starts to get to you (I have bad friends).

Anyway, so there I was in the liquor store yesterday as usual to get Jamie after work, I walked in, saw Jamie there on the 3rd shelf (she still looked gorgeous) and something happened to me I cant explain, I walked passed her aisle and went straight to the next one eyes half closed. I walked up and down wondering what the hell was wrong with me? It was then that my eyes fell on Glen, her worst enemy (Glen Drummond). Now Glen is from Scotland and shes single(malt) and hot as hell, looked as beautiful as she did the last time I met her, (we used to have a thing back in the day till she disappeared). Glen was seriously flirting with me again! I was confused, what do I do? I missed her, but I love Jamie. And then somehow some random guy came in and blocked my view of Jamie, so I picked Glen up, and we quickly walked towards my car, hoping no one had seen us. I sat her on the front seat and took her home. As we sat together, old feelings started to come back and trust me when I say it was a magical night.

But as they say, all good things must come to an end. I woke up today realizing that I had cheated on someone I promised to love forever, would she ever forgive me? I thought to myself. I was disgusted, and felt like a low down, classless, cross border cheating punk that needed to be kicked in the balls! (wait maybe not the balls, a little to the left) rephrase “I felt like a low down classless cross border cheating punk that needed to be kicked in the thigh”. But will she ever forgive me, will we ever be able to go back to how it was before I met Glen? Only time will tell.