That gate below the street light is where we let go our hands
In the presence of friends, we’ll slip back to reality as friends Can I have this walk forever? In this comfortable silence, we drift into a silent conversation as lovers
new
In my mind you’re mine forever, not a single word needed to say “I love you” Can I have this walk forever? No one but you and I know how good we are together
It’s really not that hard to tell, from the way our eyes so comfortably glitter Can I have this walk forever? The sound of the traffic and people talking aloud, right now sounds like a
symphony
Right here, right now everything’s perfect, maybe that’s why we need no company Can I have this walk forever?
Facing the gate our journey has ended, under the street light
I look at you and silently pray, “Thank you God for this night” Can I have this walk forever?
Reluctantly we let go our hands and tuck our emotions back in Awkwardly smile as we prepare to look normal walking in Can I have this walk forever? Now I wonder where you are, how you’re doing and who you’re with Battered and scarred from few bad relationships, I look back realizing that was
it Can I have this walk forever? I think it’s safe to say we can... in my mind we ever stopped walking
4 silent years have passes, but our hearts never stopped communicating
I’m not one to panic and create unnecessary pandemonium, but after
silently observing the current ethnic, communal violence in India between what
started out as the Bodos and Muslims now unnecessarily escalated to North
Eastern’s vs. the Muslim community, I can honestly say I’m scared as hell. The
safety of my family, constantly troubles me and the worst part is that feeling
of helplessness.
Every day I get bombarded with news (or rumors they say) about new
attacks on people from the North East, and even though I try to shoo most of
them away as rumors but they still have a way of adding to the fear. I live in
an area where a majority of the residents are Muslims and until now I’ve always
looked at them as misunderstood and actually really nice people (and I still
do) but the fear that has flooded my judgment will not allow me to look at them
the same was as before (which I hope will change). I understand that this is
not a fair judgment, but I hope you also understand that I’m scared, and my
unfair judgment is an outcome of fear psychosis.
On the other hand what really touched me was the gesture of the
Muslim community for apologizing for the incidents and demanding for a proper probe on the origin the matter and also inviting people from the North East to live with
them till the matter is resolved. But the question still remains, will it ever
get resolved?
The newspaper headlines for the past week haven’t really helped in
calming me down either. They write about the involvement of Pakistan and its
terror units. Now if these are true then it has escalated the fear tenfold.
When terrorists can hold a country like the Unites States at a standstill,
imagine what they could do to a small minority like that of us North Easterns.
This is an extract from an article I read today from rediff.com
“The panic campaign that Pakistan launched had an Indian hand as well, as some
of their well-wishers in India helped spread the message. The cyber terrorists
at Pakistan used the same model that the Lashkar used to spread terror in
India. The Lashkar which carried out almost all attacks on Indian soil relied
on Indian modules such as SIMI and the Indian Mujahideen to spread terror”. The headline read - NE exodus: Pakistanused LeT tactic to target India
Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t this look like it’s bigger
than the NE vs. Muslims? And we North Easterns look like involuntary pawns in a
very complicated, dangerous game between Pakistan and India.
What also concerns me is the attitude of the Government in this
situation. In an interview with DNA Alka Sarma, former MLA and senior Asom Gana
Parishad (AGP) leader sounded the warning bell saying, “In case this conflict
is not resolved peacefully, there are dangers that this would turn into a major
communal flare across the country.” She
also admitted that she was not very optimistic of the exodus stopping any time
soon.
Over 5 Lakh refugees in various refugee camps in Assam (the most
displaced in Indian History) scared to return to their villages. Thousands of
people from the North East returning home from Major cities, leaving their
jobs, studies, businesses all because the government cannot guarantee their
safety.
Every day I ask myself why am I running scared in my own country,
from my own people? Why can’t my government protect me? Why do I feel like an
alien, insecure and afraid in my own country?
Do I belong here?
Don't get me wrong, I love my India, and especially Delhi because I've lived here for over 18 years. I consider myself typical Delhiite, I honk my horn in traffic for no apparent reason (being near a school or hospital doesn't really make a difference), I park my car where ever I want, I bribe cops, used a high ranking IAS/IRS relatives name to get out of tight situations and all that Jazz, but these are indeed very confusing times...
After going through a gruelling root canal treatment this week (and still undergoing), I decided to treat myself to a nice bar of chocolate and I remembered reading somewhere that when women eat chocolates, it releases the same hormones as orgasm does (apparently which is why it’s called food sex). DAFAQ! Why only women? Just so unfair!
Anyway I’ve been told I have an over active imagination, but what I realized is that this, if true, is alarmingly bad news for us men. It could change everything. It could flip our world! Women wouldn’t need us as much as they do now. Imagine if they start popping a concentrated chocolate pill every time they’re in the zone, you’d look pretty much like an idiot, your girl is in the zone and there’s nothing you can do, she don’t need you coz she has chocolate. All you can do is cuddle with her while she has her chocolate.
You’re making out with your girl, getting it on, you’re on top of the world, and right before the best part of it all, she stops you to pop a concentrated chocolate pill. Or maybe you’re in a heated argument with your wife/girlfriend/fiancé etc. you’d think you’re the man until she screams “I don’t need you, I got my chocolate pill”. I could list out a thousand other scenarios on how this concentrated chocolate pill could destroy our lives, but I think you got the picture.
So, maybe as men we need to boycott chocolates and remove them from the face of the planet. I know, I know a lot of you would think I’m crazy, and my theory and scenarios are farfetched and unrealistic. But think hard, don’t these pharmaceutical companies and scientists always jump to opportunities like these and make a concentrated version of it? They found a spider in Brazil with a very strange unholy venom, that when bitten men would have very painful erections for days. And what did they do? They turned it into Viagra, The little blue pill that saved a million marriages, stopped depressed men from killing themselves, gave lonely old people something exciting to do. A blessing for all men!
Now ever since Viagra was invented women have felt left out in the whole sex revolution. They've been very vocal about what they were missing out, with blogs, magazine articles etc. filled with "What about us", "When do we get a pill", "Men are so selfish" (what selfish? go find your own spider with unholy venom). And this chocolate thing if further developed and researched would be the answer for their prayers. But their happiness would lead to our downfall, we would end up with a lot of hardcore feminists, lesbians etc. (I have nothing against them FYI) but too many of them doesn’t sound too good in a man’s world.
So, again, maybe we need to look beyond today and start a war, a campaign to destroy chocolates forever. Let us all come together and find a way to execute this operation smoothly.
What kind of self respecting man eats chocolates anyway!
I wonder what life would be like if no one ever smiled.
There’s a strange divine power in a smile that changes perception, moods and
situations. Why do we smile? Or rather why do we frown? (I’m one to talk, coz
my art director once asked me “Zakk how come you never smile?” lol). I remember
reading somewhere that it takes about 43 muscles to frown but only 17 muscles
to smile. So, why frown,when it’s so much easier to smile? Are we
as humans sad by default? The statistics go somewhat like this, on an average
more people frown, than smile and in between the two, we have the
expressionless look. Which means that we somehow, we subliminally choose and give
an effort to not smile.
Well a lot of you would be asking why blog about a smile? And to be
honest I never really gave it much of a thought until recently, when I met
someone who had the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen.
I had had a very bad day at work, deadline missed on a project, and
ten thousand other things, plus the feeling of helplessness. I was so mad I
could have stabbed Bambi that day and had the Smurfs for dinner. All I wanted to
do was go home, plug-in my guitar, put on some Pantera, have some beer (read
Jamie) go crazy and watch this new Van Damme flick I had downloaded - "Dragon Eyes". (Sound’s
good doesn’t it?)
Anyhow on my way home, I remembered I had to meet this girl I had
known for a while but never actually met. I didn’t really wanna go, coz I was
in such a bad mood, but hell I had nothing to lose, already felt like shit and
nothing could actually make me feel worse. So I went drove an extra 20
kilometers to meet her.
Boy oh boy, how my plans flipped when I met her. Lol. The plan was I’d
fake a smile, chit chat a lil bit and be on my way home to enjoy my awesome de-stressing
plan.
Most of you would be quick to
judge and say “he’s in love again”, but NO, it’s far from that. I’ve been down
that road before, and it’s over now. Don Juan has left the building! She’s a good friend who happens to have the
most charming, beautiful and innocently naughty smile. I was mesmerized with her smile; it
somehow made me happy and forget that I had a really bad day. I ended up having a great
time with her, went home put on some Nora Jones and ended up watching
Bambi. (No I didn't)
Now what I realized and started to think about is this. Both happiness
and sadness are very contagious, and it’s very important for us to choose which
one we choose to project. We should always remember that we directly affect
other people’s moods with ours. And just because we have had a bad day, doesn’t
mean we spoil others too, when a smile is all it takes to change things.
Now I have learned how valuable or powerful a simple smile is. I’ve
started to smile and forced myself
to smile a little more than usual and have seen some really refreshing changes
in me as well. Why just
a few days back a colleague said "Zakk you have a beautiful smile"J. It made my day! Smiled all day long!
I’ve been an angry kid for a long time now, and it hasn’t brought me an
ounce of happiness or satisfaction. So maybe this time, I’ll try to get by with
a lil help from a smile and see how it goes. J
I had written a really nice piece on why I love Chelsea Fc. But
I somehow managed to have deleted it. Winning the Champions league has been
epic for us and me, it goes to show that we are now finally among the top clubs
in Europe and a club not to be taken lightly (ask Barcelona fans and Bayern).
The finals against Bayern was an experience I’ll never
forget, especially after the ooohhh so painful loss against Man United in 2008
(I remember shouting at my girlfriend and not talking to her for a few days
after she made fun of the loss). I have a very clear rule when it comes to
being my girlfriend I just have 3 rules… 1. Don’t cheat on me 2. Love Chelsea
Fc. 3. Hate Manchester United now if you can follow these 3 simple rules I’m
yours forever faithfully.
Anyway since I had fallen asleep on the 2nd leg of the Semi
Finals against Barcelona (I was tired and a lil tipsy) So, I made sure I wasn’t
gonna accidentally fall asleep again. Charles
and Himanshu had come over for the match, Kima (the famous Kima De Mizohician, a hardcore Arsenal fan which is really, really, really very sad. Why Arsenal Kima, Why?)
was suppose to come over for dinner and drinks, but somehow we never got a
chance to meet up while he was here in Delhi (next time for sure buddy). The first
half was as I had imagined a lil slow, we defended and defended and defended
and defended till halftime, 0-0 phew.
Charles
Now Charles and Himanshu after a bottle down had an epiphany,
and about 1:30 realized that they HAD to go to Naukuchiatal (approx 350
kilometers from Delhi) for Escape (the music festival) and packed up in no less
than 5 mins and left. There I was all alone, wearing my Chelsea Jersey a bottle
of alcohol and mad as hell. Nevertheless The show must go on!
Second half was more interesting, more drama, and then… the
unimaginable happened - Mueller scores and my heart fell. My phone
started ringing, text from friends had to switch off my phone!
Redemption! We’re saved! Drogba scores! I screamed with
Joygasm, “we have been redeemed, oh what a wonderful feeling”. Changed my
shorts* (*had nothing to do with Joygasm I choked on my drink and spilled it on
my shorts).
Penalty shoot-out: I can visually look back and see how
stupid I must have looked, fist clenched; knees half bent (I must have looked liked a constipated man trying to take a crap).
And then Schweinsteiger misses Yesssssssss…..! Stomped my foot like a sumo wrestler.
Moment of truth Drogba steps up, looks normal, Neuer looks confident....I cant look, I turn around praying... Bam! He scores!!!
Screaming, no one to hug Dammit! Ran around my house screaming, woke up my cook, maid and driver (they must have thought I had gone mad). Came back to the living room, called up fellow Chelsea fans. a moment of silence...as tears rolled down my eyes.
Made a huge peg gulped it down, lit up a ciggie (like after a good performance, that serene moment of deep satisfaction)...
...and thought “So this is what it feels like to never give up, all those years of frustration, being mocked, almost being there…”. I was the Happiest, loneliest person alive on earth that night.
Some people like a club, some support club, some adore it, some just support a club for the sake of it,
I for one bleed blue, eat blue, drink blue, dream blue. I passionately love my club, My Chelsea FC. UEFA Champions League Winners 2012.
..................................................................................................................................................................
Now with the Euros starting today I am yet once again in a perplexed situation, as my team England have serious injury issues. But like Chelsea they must not lose hope as even the legendary England international Gareth Southgate said "England must emulate Chelsea's Champions League heroics" Southgate believes England must emulate Chelsea's
At the risk of sounding arrogant and overconfident I will make a statement - England European Champions 2012!
It is said that the most traumatic thing that can happen to
a person is the death of a spouse and the next most traumatic is divorce and
breakup. Recovering from a broken heart, is one of the most gruellingly long and
painful process. Having recently gone through a rough one myself, I thought I
should do a review on it. The recovery is a very long and layered process, and
comes in stages and believe me there’s no easiest way of dealing with it. Suddenly all the love songs you used to detest seem to have a deeper meaning to them. Everybody would have their own way of dealing with it and I guess our methods
and strategies would all differ, and I can’t advice anyone with ‘doing this or
that would make it easier’, but I think understanding the stages of it would
help in understanding what the hell is going on and what you can expect.
Now before going on to the various stages let us understand
what exactly a broken heart is. Broken
heart is when someone you gave your heart and soul to, decides to give it back
to you when you least expect it (sometimes there are signs). Now you’d think
that getting your heart back would not be too bad, except once you get it, you
have absolutely no idea what to do with it. You haven’t had it with you for so
long, it feels like it doesn’t belong to you anymore, doesn’t fit inside your
chest. Now I could go on for pages on how bad it feels but what’s the point…unless
you’ve experienced it, you wouldn’t understand. (Read her, she as they, them, their)
Stage 1 - WTF Just
Happened?
You’re taken by surprise, you’re angry, confused mostly
angry. So you go on a rampage of “I’ll show her I can live without her” drinking,
flirting crazy shit spree. That’s when all your friends tell you to go out
clubbing, party and enjoy life, there are many more fishes in the sea. You do
exactly that, and it’s not too bad coz you won’t remember much of what you did at this stage anyway. (Just
make sure you have deleted her/his number from your mobile or give your phone
to your friends when you're drunk. Don’t ask why, trust me on this one).
Stage 2 – It’s all my
fault!
At this stage you’re probably not drinking or partying as much,
and have become a recluse (if you’re still drinking you’re an alcoholic with a
very good excuse). You start analyzing what went wrong, you try to be reasonable
but you still see everything as your fault. And you start telling yourself
things that don’t make sense, ‘maybe she cheated on me coz I was an asshole’
and you instantly forgive them. NO NO NO, don’t do that, be reasonable, you
could have had a major role to play in the whole incident but it’s never a 1
sided affair, both are to be blamed. She/He cheated on you coz she wanted to,
she broke up with you coz she don’t love you no more, maybe she never did, so be
reasonable with yourself, you’re better than you give yourself credit for. Nobody
breaks up with you coz they love you, and feel that you’d be better off without
them, WISE UP Buddy!
Stage 3 – The
audacity of hope
Like the wise man once said “hope is the worst of all evil
for it prolongs the torment of man”. By now you’re probably in a better place,
a half recluse (if that makes sense), and you’re probably keeping in touch,
she’d probably call you every once in a while saying how you are the only one
who she trusts and understands her. Now this is the tricky part, don’t fall for
it, she can’t have the best of both worlds, the pleasure of dumping and the
pleasure of your sound advice and a reliable shoulder to cry on and dump her
problems. This is when you start to tell yourself “bloody shit I’m making
progress, maybe she’ll come back”, nope
not happening. Once shit falls off there’s no way it’s gonna come back
crawling to where it fell lol. But that’s the audacity of hope, you still make
yourself believe it could happen.
Stage 4 – I’m a
moron, so I’ll wait for her to come back
This is the stage most people deny going through, coz it’s
embarrassing, but trust me they all do (so we won’t get into details). But
don’t worry, if you’ve reached this stage you’re half way through the game.
Stage 5 – the rebound
girl/boy J
This in not necessarily a stage 5 gig, some people hit this
stage directly after “what the fuck just happened?” it differs from person to
person. But there’s always a rebound girl/boy. This stage is significant
because it shows 1 of 2 things, you’re desperately trying to move on, or you’re
still trying to get her back by making her/him jealous (If it’s the latter, I
feel bad for you kid). Just be careful when you hit this stage, coz it can get
really nasty, hurting people who don’t deserve it, a lot of he said, she said
and you could end up in deep shit. Just make sure your rebound partner knows
you’re not ready for the real deal.
Stage 6 – Mental/Emotional
Menopause
This is probably the last stage of the whole cycle but this
is further sub-divided into 2 stages. The first is the Auditing of the
relationship with a sound mind. This auditing of the relationship could happen
involuntarily as well, because for the longest time you have been functioning
on automatic mode with an erratic behavior only comparable to a woman going
through menopause. Your body knows exactly what to do but your mind is
somewhere else. Imaging you’re sitting in your office doing you regular work,
but your mind is constantly thinking of what could have been, what you used to
do together, all the fights, all the making love everything and after many many
many days of running on automatic mode, you have an epiphany – What the fuck
was I doing with him/her for so long? Wasting time, money and emotions on the
lies she/he fed you. So now you start to kinda hate the person, while still
appreciating them for the good times and you realize it’s not worth wasting your time on depressing yourself. (It’s
actually a very liberating feeling once you reach this stage, coz you don’t
obsesses about what the other person is doing, you start to think less
and less of the person till you stop entirely)
Second stage of the last stage is actually quite beautiful.
Coz by now almost all the hate is gone (note I said almost), every once in a
while, they cross your mind, sometimes taking us back on a nostalgic journey,
sometimes a short flashback followed by a smile and it’s all over.
The Verdict
One thing you should always remember is (if you’re going
through all of these or have gone through it), that there was a moment in time
when the person meant the world to
you, and chances are you probably planned and shaped your lives and future
together. So, it’s very unlikely that you will ever forget them. Sometimes major
breakups seem to only hit us when we least expect it or when we’re at our worst
times, but they also have a way of shaping us and make us stronger. You will
never be the same person you were so there’s no point in endlessly looking for
life changing experiences to turn you back to what you were before you met.
Time has a way of healing everything, sometimes time moves
too slowly but eventually all wounds heal. Try to stay away from haters, and
learn to accept your faults as well as your partners. Don’t look at friends to
reconfirm how wrong or right you were, learn to deal with it yourself. REMEMBER
Half your friends and family will sympathize with you, while some will make fun
of your predicament, so choose very carefully with whom you let your emotions
out.
You could lose your sanity for the longest time but that’s
not all bad coz you end up finding yourself in your darkest hours.
I’m writing this at the risk of sounding cheap, but aren’t we
all cheap in one way or another lol. Well the thing is I’m severely running
short of funds this month (actually always lol) and there are so many things I want
to buy so I thought, that ummmm….I should make a wish list. Knowing that there
so many millionaires, billionaires and genuinely selfless giving people out
there in the world, (and not to forget kind awesome friends and family) I’m
hoping that they would stumble on my list and ;-) …gift me a few.
It’s no secret that I have a very serious fetish for shoes
(sneakers) and perfumes, and I probably own more shoes and perfumes than a
normal man should, but in my defense…well I don’t even have a genuine defense I
just want more lol. Some people collect watches, some caps, some collect coins,
some stamps, some underwear, I collect shoes and perfumes (as much as I can afford to collect). Now getting back to my wish list, these are a few
things I’d like to have in the next 2 months, so thanks in advance and looking
forward to your generous contribution to my wish list. J
Perfumes
1. Narciso
Rodriguez : For Him
This perfume is a musk have for men, dark, musky, seductive and
strong but very attractive. It doesn’t overdo anything and I call it pure masculinity.
It’s sophisticatedly very raw, intricate but yet simple. If I had to make an ad
for this it would be like most AXE ads. Women will literally stop whatever they’re
doing and follow you. They will literally tear off their clothes just to be with
you (Trust me on this one, I’ve experienced it first hand). Wear this to a party and I guarantee
you will not go home alone! Considering that fact that I'm single I absolutely need this.
2.Dolce & Gabbana : The One
This is for my Church, lunch, brunch etc. date use. Absolutely fabulous,
light and very attractive. Pure sophistication! I’ve seen women’s eyes melt at
a whiff of this. It’s not for teenagers and early 20’s (these can choose Paco
Rabanne One Million or 212 VIP) D&G The One is for people like me late 20’s,
early 30’s and has that ‘I have arrived’ smell, and considering I just turned
30 I absolutely need this. It’s got a playful not too serious aroma that also
hints that I can be serious if you’re worth it, which is kinda where I’m at
right now.
{A notable mention: Perfumes must haves for men Aigner Black:
I’ve literally been stopped and asked the name of the perfume I was wearing. Most
complimented by women and men alike. Not very expensive and but pure class. For
everyday use, but doesn’t last too long, roughly 6 hours.}
Shoes
Ahhh where do I begin and where do I end…if I were a
millionaire my house and furniture’s and everything would be built of shoes. And
frankly can you ever have enough shoes? Except smart shoes…who needs more than
1 of those communist fashion wear. I have one smart shoe and I wear it every day
to work, and screw you Christina (babe) and Pooja they don’t look like
grandfather shoes. Anyway here is my wish list for shoes.
There are more on the list of shoes, but as of now these 3 would do. besides I don't want to be too greedy.
Single Malt
I've had my share of fine malts, but this bottle I've chosen is one I'd kill to have a taste off. Disclaimer: Dont go by the name, It doesn't grow an inch where you might be expecting. Its called Inchgrower, very rare, the reason why this is so sought after is because only a small percentage is sold as single malt the rest are used for blended scotch. Very hard to find, but undoubtedly one of the best malts available.
But in case you don't find this you can still get me a bottle of Laphroaig 18 years. and for all you cheap bastard who cant afford Laphroaig you can get me Jamie (read Jameson Irish Whiskey).
Inchgower
And of course I wish for world peace, and that american beauty pageants and Congress get smarter, and I wish global warming would stop, and that tigers and lions would stop hunting and eating those poor innocent deers and last but not least I wish pigs could fly. (just make sure you don't mix up these wishes with the ones above)
So thank you in advance to all you good Samaritans out there
who are about to make the wishes of a poor 30 year old man oops correction BOY come true. Well damnit
if you're not donating anything, maybe you can write to my boss and convince her
to give me a VERY significant increment lol J Drop in a mail and I'll send you her number and email.
Anyway for all you cheap bastards who are not going to even do that...at least do your part and wish for world peace, recycle and save the environment.
