It is said that the most traumatic thing that can happen to
a person is the death of a spouse and the next most traumatic is divorce and
breakup. Recovering from a broken heart, is one of the most gruellingly long and
painful process. Having recently gone through a rough one myself, I thought I
should do a review on it. The recovery is a very long and layered process, and
comes in stages and believe me there’s no easiest way of dealing with it. Suddenly all the love songs you used to detest seem to have a deeper meaning to them. Everybody would have their own way of dealing with it and I guess our methods
and strategies would all differ, and I can’t advice anyone with ‘doing this or
that would make it easier’, but I think understanding the stages of it would
help in understanding what the hell is going on and what you can expect.
Now before going on to the various stages let us understand
what exactly a broken heart is. Broken
heart is when someone you gave your heart and soul to, decides to give it back
to you when you least expect it (sometimes there are signs). Now you’d think
that getting your heart back would not be too bad, except once you get it, you
have absolutely no idea what to do with it. You haven’t had it with you for so
long, it feels like it doesn’t belong to you anymore, doesn’t fit inside your
chest. Now I could go on for pages on how bad it feels but what’s the point…unless
you’ve experienced it, you wouldn’t understand. (Read her, she as they, them, their)
Stage 1 - WTF Just Happened?
Stage 2 – It’s all my fault!
At this stage you’re probably not drinking or partying as much,
and have become a recluse (if you’re still drinking you’re an alcoholic with a
very good excuse). You start analyzing what went wrong, you try to be reasonable
but you still see everything as your fault. And you start telling yourself
things that don’t make sense, ‘maybe she cheated on me coz I was an asshole’
and you instantly forgive them. NO NO NO, don’t do that, be reasonable, you
could have had a major role to play in the whole incident but it’s never a 1
sided affair, both are to be blamed. She/He cheated on you coz she wanted to,
she broke up with you coz she don’t love you no more, maybe she never did, so be
reasonable with yourself, you’re better than you give yourself credit for. Nobody
breaks up with you coz they love you, and feel that you’d be better off without
them, WISE UP Buddy!
Stage 3 – The audacity of hope
Like the wise man once said “hope is the worst of all evil
for it prolongs the torment of man”. By now you’re probably in a better place,
a half recluse (if that makes sense), and you’re probably keeping in touch,
she’d probably call you every once in a while saying how you are the only one
who she trusts and understands her. Now this is the tricky part, don’t fall for
it, she can’t have the best of both worlds, the pleasure of dumping and the
pleasure of your sound advice and a reliable shoulder to cry on and dump her
problems. This is when you start to tell yourself “bloody shit I’m making
progress, maybe she’ll come back”, nope
not happening. Once shit falls off there’s no way it’s gonna come back
crawling to where it fell lol. But that’s the audacity of hope, you still make
yourself believe it could happen.
Stage 4 – I’m a moron, so I’ll wait for her to come back
This is the stage most people deny going through, coz it’s
embarrassing, but trust me they all do (so we won’t get into details). But
don’t worry, if you’ve reached this stage you’re half way through the game.
Stage 5 – the rebound
girl/boy J
This in not necessarily a stage 5 gig, some people hit this
stage directly after “what the fuck just happened?” it differs from person to
person. But there’s always a rebound girl/boy. This stage is significant
because it shows 1 of 2 things, you’re desperately trying to move on, or you’re
still trying to get her back by making her/him jealous (If it’s the latter, I
feel bad for you kid). Just be careful when you hit this stage, coz it can get
really nasty, hurting people who don’t deserve it, a lot of he said, she said
and you could end up in deep shit. Just make sure your rebound partner knows
you’re not ready for the real deal.
Stage 6 – Mental/Emotional Menopause
This is probably the last stage of the whole cycle but this
is further sub-divided into 2 stages. The first is the Auditing of the
relationship with a sound mind. This auditing of the relationship could happen
involuntarily as well, because for the longest time you have been functioning
on automatic mode with an erratic behavior only comparable to a woman going
through menopause. Your body knows exactly what to do but your mind is
somewhere else. Imaging you’re sitting in your office doing you regular work,
but your mind is constantly thinking of what could have been, what you used to
do together, all the fights, all the making love everything and after many many
many days of running on automatic mode, you have an epiphany – What the fuck
was I doing with him/her for so long? Wasting time, money and emotions on the
lies she/he fed you. So now you start to kinda hate the person, while still
appreciating them for the good times and you realize it’s not worth wasting your time on depressing yourself. (It’s
actually a very liberating feeling once you reach this stage, coz you don’t
obsesses about what the other person is doing, you start to think less
and less of the person till you stop entirely)
Second stage of the last stage is actually quite beautiful.
Coz by now almost all the hate is gone (note I said almost), every once in a
while, they cross your mind, sometimes taking us back on a nostalgic journey,
sometimes a short flashback followed by a smile and it’s all over.
The Verdict
One thing you should always remember is (if you’re going
through all of these or have gone through it), that there was a moment in time
when the person meant the world to
you, and chances are you probably planned and shaped your lives and future
together. So, it’s very unlikely that you will ever forget them. Sometimes major
breakups seem to only hit us when we least expect it or when we’re at our worst
times, but they also have a way of shaping us and make us stronger. You will
never be the same person you were so there’s no point in endlessly looking for
life changing experiences to turn you back to what you were before you met.
Time has a way of healing everything, sometimes time moves
too slowly but eventually all wounds heal. Try to stay away from haters, and
learn to accept your faults as well as your partners. Don’t look at friends to
reconfirm how wrong or right you were, learn to deal with it yourself. REMEMBER
Half your friends and family will sympathize with you, while some will make fun
of your predicament, so choose very carefully with whom you let your emotions
out.
You could lose your sanity for the longest time but that’s
not all bad coz you end up finding yourself in your darkest hours.
