A stranger in my own world...

It feels strange to be back in Delhi this time around. I never really missed Aizawl when I come back from the winter holidays, but this time I feel lost. Did I fall in love and leave my heart behind? No. Do I miss my family? No, they’re all here in Delhi for an extended vacation. Friends? Yeah but not enough to make me feel this way. So why do I feel so out of place? I can’t really put my finger on it and say this is why, but something’s not right.

I’m forced to conclude that this might be one of the side effects of growing old. As we grow older the need to belong somewhere or with someone grows with us. And for people like me who've lived their entire life more or less like a vagabond, never belonging to a place, it gets confusing. I was born in Shillong then we moved to Aizawl where I stayed for 7 years, then went back to Shillong, stayed there for 7 years, then moved to Delhi and have been living here since. So where is home for me? I don't know yet and screw you Michael Buble!

They say “home is where the heart is” and I think I can believe that but my heart is right here, doesn't belong to anyone and nobody’s heart belongs to me. So there’s no hope of finding a home in that department anytime soon either. But I often ask myself how in the world did I become so unbearably depressing and I guess it’s time and growing old…but why do I feel so old DAMMIT I'm only 30!

I can honestly say that I’m not the man I used to be emotionally and physically. In fact, I wasn't always this fat and unattractive nor was I always this intimidated by women. There was once a time when I was a slim, smooth talking, confident son of a gun, and like the song said “Girls’ faces formed the forward path, from phony jealousy to memorizing politics of ancient history…” :-p
A broken heart or two can change a man.

Aaahh but gone are the days of magicians and magic potions, I could do with a few potions right now. 

P.s. Screw you too Chris Daughtry!