Thursday, September 13, 2012

Morning Rituals – To Each His Own!

Have you ever noticed how we all have very different morning rituals, some very personal and unique to our own? Especially men, and in my time so far, I have seen some really strange morning rituals, from religious, to crazy and from crazy to WTF!
For me my morning ritual begins with checking my mail. Yes, as soon as I open my eyes, I open my laptop and check my mail. Sometimes I login to facebook after checking my mail, just to check what my peeps have been up to, or to check comments (when you have that really clever or awesome status update that you know people are gonna comment and talk about :-) ). Then I very lazily, get out of bed and do a little exercise (I stretch, raise my arms, look around, beat my chest), get the newspaper*, light up a ciggie**, and mentally switch into war mode, ready to drop bombs (I always wanted to be a fighter pilot as a kid) and enter the loo to drop bombs. That is practically the first 20 to 30 minutes of my morning. And everything I described has to be in that exact order.

                              Yes I actually do picture myself like this

A soldier’s got to eat
After I’m don’t with my bombing, I come out and head straight to the dining table for a nice breakfast. Since I’m a lil overweight, I skip lunch, and to make sure I don’t run out of energy, I have a heavy breakfast, which would include fried 2 eggs (without the yolk) and 4 slices of bread and a large mug of tea (come to think of it maybe I should start drinking fresh juice instead).

2nd Round Knockout
After breakfast, I’m back in the bathroom for round 2, a quick shower, shave, brush, get dressed to kill, style my hair, select the right perfume (depending on the weather and season), pack my laptop, put on my aviators and drive off to work looking super fly.

Anyway getting back to strange morning rituals, I have friends with rather unusual morning rituals (I will not mention names, but you know who you are), and I just thought I’d share a few of them. And believe me these are not fabricated rituals, 100% true story.

1  .      Wakes up and has to drink a glass of milk before anything else. Swears that without milk, he can’t get any pressure. (let it be known that by pressure I mean the urge to take a dump)
2  .      Wakes up, goes straight to the mirror. If this is followed by a flurry of curses you can be sure there’s a zit on the face.
3  .      Wakes up starts cursing incessantly. I never ask why but I feel this dude must constantly be having nightmares. Maybe a daily hangover.
4  .      Wakes up, has a glass of warm water, followed by a bottle of cold water after 5 or 10 minutes.
5  .      Wakes up reads the bible and prays for a solid 10-15 minutes. (Can’t complain about this one for obvious reasons)
6  .      Wakes up, switches on the TV spends 30 minutes on the news, demands breakfast in bed, which includes tea before breakfast, breakfast and tea after breakfast. (guess the gender)
7  .      (This is the annoying one) Starts singing loud from the time he wakes up all the way to the loo to the time he gets dressed up for work.
8  .      (This one really pisses me off) Wakes up late every day, looks at his watch, starts with the “ohhh Fu*& I'm late for work again, my boss is gonna kill me”. Every day, every bloody Fu%&*ng day. (Try waking up earlier for a change dumb ass! Just a suggestion, might work!)
9  .      Wakes up, and rips a loud one, sometimes it’s more than one, like a crescendo. Definitely not the first thing you wanna hear in the morning. And the best part is tha his own rips really amuses him. He rips one and starts laughing hysterically.
1  .   Wakes up, calls his girlfriend up to wake her, then sends a good morning message after he just told her good morning over the phone. followed by a series of "i just washed my face, what abt u?" "i just had tea, what abt you?" (too much drama)

What’s your ritual? 

For me I cant have a normal day until and unless I've read the news paper first thing in the morning. So when I go home (Aizawl), I have a really hard time with my morning coz all the newspapers are in Mizo, and I can’t read Mizo very well. So sometimes when I'm in the loo I actually forget to actually drop bombs coz all my attention and concentration goes into trying to read an article. True story!

** if I don’t have one I get paranoid and simply cannot move on, but thanks to my fleet footed gatekeeper I usually don’t have to wait too long.


surabhi said...

i was amazed when i came to know that people read in the loo. I was like oh wow really!
so i tried n very time the reaction was *WTF*...
twice i sat 30-40 min on the pot, reading. without even realizing that i m not sitting on a chair and i m suppose to take a dump.

zakk_kima said...

Hahahaha Surabhi that was funny, but yeah it can become very addictive, we tend to get lost in our thoughts lol